| Joke |
[Jun. 29th, 2009|10:47 am] |
Heard over the weekend:
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Control freak. NOW, HERE IS WHERE YOU SAY 'CONTROL FREAK WHO?'!!!" |
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| Joke |
[May. 31st, 2008|06:09 pm] |
Q: How many martial artists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to say, "You know, we do that a little differently at my school..." |
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| Joke |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|09:33 am] |
A man fell asleep on the beach under the midday sun and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the hospital. His skin had turned a bright red, was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony. The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative ...and Viagra every four hours.
"Viagra?" the nurse inquired, "What good will Viagra do him?"
The doctor said, "It will keep the sheet off of his legs." |
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| Joke |
[Feb. 24th, 2005|07:24 am] |
Sitting in the pub, John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the beautiful legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
John went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
Mary said, "Aye, did ye now? And what was your toast?"
Suddenly embarrassed, John said, "My toast? Um, I said... Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled and said, "John won the prize last night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me... and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come..." |
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| Joke heard on "Monk"... |
[Oct. 29th, 2002|07:31 am] |
Kid: "Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who's left?"
Monk: "Repeat."
Kid: "Pete and Repeat are in a boat..."
--This went on for 20 minutes. |
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